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Printer Pessimist

I have a hate-hate relationship with my printer. It hates me and I hate it right back. I’m sure there are better printers in the world, but I’ve gotten to know this one and frankly, I don’t want to have to learn another system. This one is painful enough.
Example – and this is a typical day in a typical month:
I’m printing away on a project for work or church and I get notified on my computer that I cannot print in black. My computer helpfully displays a little chart that shows “black” ink is empty. Since I’m printing in black and white, this seems like a reasonable thing to address immediately. Especially since the printer won’t print if I don’t.
I go through the steps to insert a new black ink cartridge. They are relatively easy steps and don’t take too long. When I finish, I glance at the helpful display chart. Several other ink colors appear to be low, but all have some.
Great! I have a 5-page list to print and then I can address these other ink cartridges. So I finish replacing the black ink, put the top down and then….I wait. I have to wait because the printer is “initializing.” What the heck is “initializing”? I just changed an ink cartridge! It’s new! Why can’t it just print??!! It takes a full five minutes to finish this process and I still don’t know what it is. Is it like what happens at dry cleaners? Martinizing? No idea.
But it’s finally done. I press print on my job and the printer display comes up once again. It will not print, because now the printer is out of “photo black.” It wasn’t empty six minutes ago. Plus, I just added a new black ink cartridge and I’m printing a black and white document, so why can’t it just print it?
Arg. I get a new photo black ink cartridge out of the box (this not being my first rodeo, I always buy all the colors at one time). Let me digress to say that getting the new ink cartridge out is not a simple task. They seal these things with the glue that holds rockets together. But, I prevail. I open it, follow the steps and close the lid.
Then I wait for the initializing. AGAIN. I read the chart closely this time and the cyan, magenta and yellow all okay. Cyan and yellow are a bit low, but they have some. Since I’m printing a normal black and white document, this should be no problem.
Finally, the printer comes on and is ready to use. I press “print” and the display box pops up once again. YELLOW is out. Oh for heaven’s sake. I DO NOT NEED yellow to print a list of books. COME ON.
So off I go to the ink cartridge box to get yellow. I follow the steps again, and finally, a half hour after I started, I print my list (in BLACK) on 5 short pages and close out the file.
Tomorrow, when I’m rested from this activity and no longer loathe (just hate at a normal level) my printer, I will take the time to change out cyan and magenta. Because I just know it’s waiting for me to try to print something in black.

Breaking the Budget

It all started last week when I tried to pick up a delivery from our dining room door. Granted, the door is older, but I’ve opened it without incident dozens of times over the years. Being old, it takes a little effort to get the lock turned and the knob turned just right, but usually it goes without a hitch.
Not that day. I turned the lock and it didn’t move much. So I turned it harder and grasped the doorknob, pulling with some strength (mind you, I’m no Jack LaLanne, so this wasn’t some super-human pull on a doorknob). Be that as it may, the doorknob pulled off into my hand, while the door remained locked.
My husband, who, fortunately for me, is very handy, was able to fix it with tools and a screw he had in his workbench. This attack on our property cost him no money, but about an hour of his time.
No harm done.
A few days later, I opened my bottom dresser drawer to extract a pair of pants and the right hand knob came off in my hand. Well, it came off and rolled under the dresser, which was frustrating. Not only would my short arms not reach it, but I discovered a multitude of dust bunnies and cobwebs of which I had been unaware.
So, not only did I have to get out the Swiffer, but I was also unable to get any pants out of the drawer. I ended up retrieving the drawer knob and dusting in a dress.
My long-suffering husband, however, had to make a run to town for wood glue and spend more time fixing the knob so that it would hold – even against my seemingly incredible arm strength.
I might have chalked this up to coincidence but I know better. First off all, these kinds of things come in threes. And secondly, the cost was slowly building. I feared the next calamity would cost us more dearly.
I didn’t have long to wait. Yesterday, I was driving into the grocery store when it happened. There’s a sort of road that goes into the store parking lot that has a bend in it and on the right hand side, a curb. While I was entering, a car exiting drifted into my lane. (Let me digress to say, argh.). I chose not to be side-swiped by this distracted or poor driver and wrenched my wheel to the right. I heard – and felt – my front tire hit the curb.
As I pulled into the lot, my dashboard informed me my fears had been realized. I had “6 lb” of pressure in my tire. The driver of the other car was long gone, while I sat in the parking lot with a flat tire.
I called my husband and AAA, both of whom arrived on the scene. The roadside assistant put our spare tire (a ridiculous-looking bicycle tire good for about 20 miles) on the wheel in record time and I followed my husband out to the service shop.
Huzzah! Our tire was under warranty. This would cost us nothing but time!
Yeah, not so fast, the universe replied. THAT tire is free, but it turns out all your tires need replaced. How about forking over about $800 to insure you keep driving safely.
Eight hundred? That’s not really in our budget, but what’s a girl to do?
I’ll tell you what I did – I thanked heavens the third thing was over and I have fully stopped opening any drawer or door.

Getting Older 2.0

Many of the following thoughts came from Stefanie Pettit’s 2018 article. I’ve just caught up with her…and added a few of my own.
1. Stephanie said, “I see people out there zip lining and mountain climbing, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.”
If you are a person of a certain age, I expect you’ll be laughing at that opening sentence, or at least agreeing. I have the most risk for falls just trying to get one leg into underwear or pants in the morning.
2. Some of my friends, like my husband, exercise every day. Meanwhile, I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.
This is true only on the off chance I actually get the remote. My hubby is usually “in charge” of this device. Occasionally, well, okay, often, he falls asleep with a death grip on the thing. I’ve watched more soccer games and weird animal shows that I care to remember – all because if I try to gently extricate the remote from his grip, he wakes up and says “Wha? I was watching that!”
3. I don’t mean to interrupt people, but I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
This one happens all the time, especially with those of us having hearing impairments. Conversations with people zip and zoom along, people talk over one another, subjects changing quickly. Those of us who don’t hear so well are often a beat or two behind.
So the conversational topic may have moved from foods we like to results of the recent election, when in the midst of someone’s animated oratory about political ethics, one lone voice pipes in: “I think mashed potatoes with cheese are better than French fries.”
That’s followed by a stunned or awkward moment of silence. I’ve experienced that one myself.
Now unless someone has dementia or other ailment, this is that aging-interrupting-time-lag thing. Normal, and understood by boomers everywhere.
4. You know you’re getting old when you talk about every other driver on the road for their lack of driving skill or etiquette – or both.
Surely you have followed someone on the freeway with a turn signal blinking mile after mile. People who speed around in parking lots, who pull out in front of you, who cut you off – these are all folks we love to vetch about!
5. Eating and drinking after hours used to be “last call”.
Now it’s “hmmm…I can’t drink this water, it’s after 8 p.m.” Or “uh-oh, I can’t have onions past 7 p.m.” It’s all about trying to get a full nights’ sleep with minimal trips to the bathroom or indigestion.
Getting older is no easy feat, that’s for sure. And by the way, mashed potatoes with cheese are the best!

Swim the Deepest Sea

In my young adult years, I was very fond of the music of The Grass Roots. I wasn’t alone – they did have 21 top ten hits over the span of one decade. The biggest reason I liked them was that their songs were, by and large, upbeat and happy and easy to sing along with.
Hits like “Sooner or Later” and “Temptation Eyes” were tunes I could belt out any time. It was especially fun when driving down a highway. My all-time favorite recording of theirs was a love song called “I’d Wait a Million Years.”
It’s a love song, true, but as I have gained both age and wisdom, I have a newfound appreciation for these particular lyrics.
The refrain goes: “But I’d wait a million years, walk a million miles, cry a million tears; I’d swim the deepest sea, climb the highest hill, just to have you near me.”
I realize that this is how many feel in the throes of new-found (and often, older) love. I’m sure the lyrics were intended to convey this magical feeling between people who are deeply in love. As I have aged, however, I’ve found it to be a decades-long quest to find a different kind of magic.
For example, it took me several years – nearly ten – to find a masseuse, after the one I had used for years retired. I tried several places, and though not necessarily uncomfortable, none felt quite right. Finally, two years ago, I stumbled into (well, to be honest, my husband gave me a massage certificate for my birthday) my current place and found the magic hands of Alexandra. Turns out, though it felt like a million years, I only had to wait about a decade.
In my later years, sometime around my 40’s, I started noticing ingrown toenails. These are painful. For those of you who have never had them, here’s my advice: don’t. They really hurt. And I was fine dealing with them until my 50’s, but then my arthritis started making it difficult to bend over far enough to reach them.
To add insult to injury, my vision was such that if I could get close enough, I couldn’t see with my glasses off and if I put them on, it was too close. So began my search for a pedicurist/nail technician who could deal with my toes. And not cause me pain.
The first three I found were simply too rough. The fourth one actually gave me an infected toe. Argh. The fifth and sixth talked a lot. Too much. Finally. FINALLY! I found Marcie. It took me 20 years to find her, and I felt like I had walked a million miles, but she takes care of me just right.
Hair stylist/barber has been nearly life-long quest. I have tried too many salons and had so many terrible (really, terrible) haircuts/styles that it’s almost ridiculous. I can’t describe the poodle-perm in my 20’s. It was horrible. Then in my 30’s I went with a military buzz cut (well, not quite, but close enough). It didn’t flatter me. In my 40’s I found a stylist I really liked. Then she had a baby, so I had to find someone else.
It took me another 20 years and I felt like I had cried a million tears, but I have found Sonia. For two whole years now, I’ve had a great hair cut – one I can style myself with little fuss.
Don’t even get me started on the dentist-hunt. But for teeth, hair and nails, it appears I will walk a million miles, cry a million tears, or climb the highest hill. It’s love of a different kind.

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