As you know, I’ve had my share of challenges with companies – window installers, contractors, cable companies, and the like.  In this day and age, so much of “service” is an automated calling response (that never seems to understand your problem or question), or being put on hold with elevator music and occasional reminders that “your time is important to us” (all evidence to the contrary).  I thought I had seen, heard, and experienced it all.

               I was wrong.

               This week, a dear friend told me of an experience in which they are immersed that boggled my mind.  I hate to confess that, although it is in no way humorous, I laughed.  It was that ludicrous.

               First, it starts with a purchase for service on a number of appliances that they obtained upon buying those appliances.  For many years now, they have been renewing (at a cost of ~$500 a year) this service warranty.  It guarantees all service calls for any appliance issue, with a mere $100 deductible.

               Sounds reasonable, but wait for it.

               A month or six weeks ago, the lid to their washing machine broke.  A repair man arrived, collected their $100 and said it was easily fixed with a part that he would order immediately.  That part should arrive in 4 or 5 days.

               Said part did arrive, and it came to their house with a repairman and his “apprentice.”  My friends left them to install the new lid clasp.  Fifteen or twenty minutes later, they went into the laundry room to see what the progress was.  I mean, installing a new lid hook (in my opinion) isn’t a huge deal, right?

               What they found was that the lid was off the machine.  So was the back, which meant both sides had fallen away.  The pump was out on the floor, with several other parts.  I confess, this was a bit alarming, but this is when I started to laugh.

               My friends indicated that the entire machine, including the lid, was re-assembled after an interminable amount of time.  This is when they began to think that the “repairman” was not the best choice to have an apprentice.  They were more right than they knew!

               Happy to not have to go to the Laundromat another time, they used their washer a few days later.  The lid stayed shut.  The washer began to leak water all over the floor!  They stopped the load, removed it, and headed to the Laundromat, first contacting their “service” provider.

               This provider sent a second repairman out to check into the issue.  He appeared to be competent!  He informed them that he could see the problem and could easily fix it.  He also said this was the “third time” he had had to clean up a mess made by the first fellow.  He called his supervisor to report, and then informed my friend that his supervisor wanted “the first guy” to return and fix his own error.

               I already knew where this was headed.  My friends were headed to the Laundromat indefinitely.  And the first “repair”man?  He was scheduled to come on Thursday, but didn’t show up.  Then for Friday and no show.  Saturday?  Nope.  Monday?  No show again.  They aren’t sure when, if ever, he will return.

               Oh, and the service time “window?”  Apparently, it’s more like an arboretum.  The window to be available is 8 a.m. – 5 p.m.  My friends are out $500 for the agreement, $100 for the service call, $100 (so far) for the Laundromat, and have to stick around their house all day for someone who isn’t showing up.  When they call?  They get the automated response program, not a real person.

               It might be easier, faster, and cheaper to get a new washing machine. Certainly, it would be better for their mental health!

You’ve heard of KISS – keep it simple, stupid.  Well, I have noticed of late that those around me – and likely me, as well – tend to complicate things overly much.

I have some examples, of course. 

For years, I have been annoyed by sportscasters who talk about the “keys to the game” and what “strategies” some coach or other should employ to win the game.  In my experience (and at my age, that’s a lot of experience), the team with the most points at the end of the game wins.  So….score more points.  It’s that simple.

The same premise counts, in my opinion, regarding books, television shows, and movie.  People will talk about aspects of these media things like scenery, character development, nuance, and costumes, but for me, I just want to know if it was a good story.   We give out awards for things like artistic direction, photography, editing, and all kinds of other things in movies and television shows, but only one award for writing.  The plot is the big thing for me.  If it was a good story, I’m excited to read it or watch it.    If not….I’ll pass.  It’s that simple. 

Take the following case in point – a film I saw in 2012 with a best friend.  It got great critical reviews.  It won two awards (best foreign film and best costumes) and was nominated for several others.  The acting, I guess, was considered amazing.  But I didn’t really think so for one simple reason:  the story stunk.  It was horrible and boring. It was about an artist and long scenes (I mean really, really long) were filmed watching him watch a model.  Or look at a brook.  Or we were staring at his arthritic hands – for a long time.  At one point,  I left the theater for the bathroom and when I came back, several minutes later at least, the scene had not changed!  This is all I remember about this movie, because the actual story was ….nonexistent. 

For me, the story is everything.  It’s that simple.

I can and do apply this principle to cooking.  I love to watch internet and Facebook shows with recipes, but I do get impatient when the headline says “simple, easy meal” and…it’s not.  Often, the headline will say “3 ingredients,” but it turns out there are 7.  I’ve seen videos where the person says, “This simple recipe is one that I feed my family all the time.” It takes 90 minutes to prepare, uses 14 ingredients, and then takes an hour to bake.  That’s not easy, or simple.  This person clearly doesn’t work full time.  At least, when I worked, I did not have 2 ½ hours to make dinner!  If you want me to think a recipe is easy, it has to have 3 ingredients or less, take 5 minutes to prepare, and cook for less than an hour. It’s that simple.

Yesterday, I was with a friend in a new deli and I noticed a certain brand of potato chips for sale there.  I was excited and said, “Oh those are just the best.” She asked me, “What makes them the best?”  I guess I could have said a lot of things, but what came out of my mouth was, “The taste.”   It’s that simple!

I have discussed before the fact that I am geographically challenged.  It’s not that I haven’t gone to places, or read about places, because I have.  And in many other areas, I’m pretty smart, or at least I can hold my own.

               But geography escapes me.  I would like to blame my fifth grade teacher, Ms. Ferrero.  She interrupted a wonderful day dream I was having about Africa and what it must be like to live there.  In doing so, I was embarrassed and from that day forward, I have had a mental block about all things geographical.

               I know, I know, it’s not really her fault.  But I have to blame someone!

               Anyway, this deficiency pops up occasionally in my life, and often when we are playing word games.  The other day, I was playing a game with my husband, and wouldn’t you know it, but the topic was geography.  I’m sure he mentally gritted his teeth, but he tried very hard to get me to say a word.

               His first clue was “Tennessee city.”

               (I’m sure most of you have guessed it already.)

               I responded, “Chattanooga.”  (And honestly, I’m pretty impressed that my first guess was an actual city in Tennessee.

               With his lack of response, I continued, “Talladega.”  (Yes, yes, I NOW know that that is a city in some other Southern state.  I want to say…Florida?  .But in any event, not in Tennessee).

               Never being a quitter, my husband tried another tack completely. He said, “Walking in….”

               Ow.  I thought hard and replied, “the woods?  Moonlight?” (What in the world could you walk in that was also a city name?)

               That’s when it got really ugly.  He tried another clue.  He said, “Egypt.”

               (Egypt?  He’s giving me another geography clue to get a first geography clue that I clearly don’t know??)

               I tried the only two geographical things I know about Egypt.  “Nile?  Cairo?”

He tried one final clue. “Mississippi River,” he said. (Seriously?? yet ANOTHER geographical clue for ME?)

“Mississippi!” I yelped, incredulously. (I didn’t think that river went anywhere near Tennessee, and it clearly showed on my face.)

               He finally gave up. Obviously, I was not going to get this word.  Turns out, it was “Memphis.”

               Well, okay, I did have to confess that I’ve heard of Memphis.  I might have even known it is in Tennessee.  It just didn’t pop into my head. (Although Walking in Memphis is a really good song.)

               Also, I must confess that there is absolutely nothing he could have said that would have made me think of it.  I don’t know anyone there, have never been there, and have no connection that could be made in my head.  So, that was a tough word for our team.

               Now, ask me anything about books and authors, poetry, cooking, or history and I have a better chance of hitting the target.

               Just don’t try geography.  Or directions.  I’m not good at those either!

               One of my favorite family activities is enjoying a campfire.  Naturally, the weather has to be just right – a chilly but not cold, dry, spring day is excellent, as is a brisk, dry autumn evening. Whether we are enjoying a beverage, roasting a hot dog or marshmallow, playing games, or sharing memories and laughter, a campfire is just a wonderful way to relax.

               Fire can be beautiful.  It can also be deadly.  Take, for example, our innocent ride home from a dinner date with a couple of family members.  We were headed down the highway for a mere ten miles, to drop off our first passenger before we returned home with the remaining three.  These ten miles quickly became a challenge.  At first, it was puzzling.

               In the “fast” lane on the interstate, we began to notice intermittent lines of what appeared to be clumps of hay or straw.  These had obviously fallen from some sort of transport.  While, by itself, clumps of straw could be detrimental to travel, these clumps were especially concerning.  Why?  Because they were ON FIRE!

               Of even more concern was the pile – visible in the distance above.  It was huge, and was also ablaze!  As we passed by, at a reasonable and safe distance, the heat could still be felt on our faces, through the car windows.  It was pretty scary.  And the view we had was alarming!

               So, yes, fire can be dangerous, scary, and horrifyingly destructive.  All-in-all, I was pretty much against fire in any form.

               Until this weekend.  High winds, as might be expected, took out trees and downed power lines in our area.  We lost power for over 24 hours, which meant no flushing toilets, no television, no charging of the telephones, no showers, no lights, and…no heat!  Given that the overnight temperatures dropped to near freezing, we were pretty chilly. 

               Fortunately, we had fire.  First, we had fire in the form of a lot of candles.  I am just a touch obsessed with candles and tend to buy them when on sale.  So, we had at least a dozen unlit beauties sitting around our home.  We brought them all to the kitchen and enjoyed the light they provided.  We played cribbage, read a little, and had a romantic discussion, all while enjoying the flickering and aromatic delights of our candles.

               The night got chilly.  We used a lot of blankets and slept in our winter nightwear, plus socks.  But we weren’t uncomfortable at all. Thank goodness, we have a Ben Franklin stove in our kitchen.  It was a great source of heat. The entire kitchen was warm and cozy.  Although we didn’t have electricity, we had a good friend in our fireplace.

               Fire can be deadly dangerous, absolutely.  It can also be a comfort and a delight.  All I know is that, last week I was scared of that fire on the road.  But this week, I gave a lot of thanks for the fire in our home.