Dick Van Dyke is one of my favorite entertainers.  He’s right up there with Danny Kaye, in my opinion.  Last year, he celebrated his 100^th birthday by having a book published entitled 100 Rules for Living to 100.

               Although it is my desire to follow in his footsteps and live a healthy life to that wonderful number, the rules apply no matter what age you hope to achieve!  Each rule, or nearly each one, is supplemented with a story or two from his own experiences.  Those are a treasure trove!

               I won’t list each of the 100 rules.  That’s likely a copyright issue, but I am going to talk just a little about six of them.  The first one that struck me as one to which to pay attention is “Find Your People.”  He writes eloquently about family, friends, and co-workers who support you along your life’s journey.  Once you find them, it’s important to keep them close and support them in return. Living to 100, he acknowledges that we lose some along the way.  To that he advises:  “they’ve left us with the tools we need to find new playmates, for a moment or forever.”

               One of my favorites is “Suck Up to the Landlady.”  This was mostly a section in which he described his relationship with another of my favorite celebrities – Lucille Ball.  Ms. Ball was his “landlady” (and lifelong friend) because his television show was filmed at Desilu Studios.  While this rule is mostly in good fun, it’s also really good advice.

               In a more serious vein is his rule “It’s Doesn’t Take a Good Boss to Do Great Work.”  This is an invaluable lesson to all of us, because everyone, at one time or another, has had a really terrible boss.  That doesn’t mean that the work product isn’t good, though, and often, it’s great.  He phrased it better in saying, “There are a lot of mediocre bosses and leaders out here, but we can’t let their mediocrity drag us down…Together, you can turn life into energy, character, and emotion!”

               Possibly my favorite of his rules is “Retire on Your Own Terms.”  He was 68 years old when he was offered “Diagnosis: Murder” on CBS.  Andy Griffith called him to advise him to turn it down, because working was just too hard at that age.  But Dick took the job and had a successful eight seasons.  He did it on his terms – and these terms apply to anyone who’s retiring.  He prioritized “family time” (and did this by including several members of his family on the show).  He stayed fit.  That’s a big one!  And, finally, he did all the things he loved (dancing, magic tricks, jazz, singing) as part of the show.  Engaging in his favorite pastimes with his favorite people made all the difference – it made “work” not hard at all.

               Another one that hit close to home for me is “Write it Down.”  As a person who keeps a daily journal, I thought I knew what he was going to say.  I didn’t.  He talks about writing down any idea that comes to us, nuggets of wisdom to tell your grandkids, and ideas for presents.  He writes, “If each one of us kept a record of all the incredible, transformative things that are possible for us to do, we’d be one step closer to actually doing them.”

               The final rule I appreciated is “Find Your Arlene.”  His longtime love, soulmate, and wife is his number one fan.  He writes “Arlene shows me all the ways I am young. When I worry about death, she tells me I am life.  When darkness creeps in, she turns on the magic.  Now you try it.  Be Arlene.  When darkness creeps in, turn on the magic.”  Dick advises us not to merely find our Arlene, but to be Arlene for someone else.  That’s the best advice, ever.

               The whole book is a treasure. Published in 2025 by Point Productions, Inc., you can find it at our local bookstore or online.  It’s a wonderful way to start a new year. 

Being a music lover, I have spent many happy moments singing – usually in the car, but sometimes in a choir, in the shower, or while I’m mowing the lawn. Over the years, my husband and I have had many chuckles over the misunderstood lyrics of both our friends, and ourselves.

               Most of the time, misunderstood lyrics are just a funny thing that we enjoy privately.  Sometimes, however, we are embarrassed to find we’ve been singing words incorrectly, and singing them loudly and publicly.

               My husband had a friend who loved to sing along with the Supremes.  (Who doesn’t??). She didn’t mind singing along with others, and it caused a lot of chuckles when she belted out “Stop!  In the neighborhood…” – because as we all know, the correct words are “Stop!  In the name of love.” 

               Both of us had friends who loved to sing “Bad Moon Rising,” recorded by Credence Clearwater Revival.  Both friends who sang this song, thought the lyrics were “There’s a bathroom on the right.”  These words don’t make any sense at all, at least in the context of the rest of the lyrics, which are:  “don’t go around tonight, well, it’s bound to take your life, there’s a bad moon on the rise.”  The fact that the title includes the correct lyrics only makes it funnier.

               Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta recorded a wonderful song from the movie “Grease” entitled “You’re the One that I Want.”  The correct lyrics are:  “I’ve got chills, they’re multiplyin’.”  However, a college friend of mine sang, loudly and proudly, “I’ve got shoes, they’re made of plywood.”  Seriously funny.

               Also amusing are folks who sing “hold me close, Tony Danza” to Elton John’s recording of “Tiny Dancer.” Again, the words are in the title, so it’s doubly funny.  It’s “hold me close, Tiny Dancer.”

               Most often, folks argue about the lyrics of “California Dreamin’” by the Mamas and the Papas.  The song is perfect for singing in the car or at a party. When you get to the second verse, the words are unclear.  Is it “got down on my knees and I began to pray” or is it “got down on my knees and I pretend to pray”? I’ve never really known for certain, so I researched it a little.

               It turns out, Denny Doherty sang the lead on this recording, and he sang “got down on my knees and I began to pray.” But the rest of the group, singing back up, sang “and I pretend to pray.”  So we heard both words in the song and, in my opinion, this makes either one acceptable!

               I have also misunderstood lyrics.  The good news is that what I heard was at least a homophone for the real word, so no one knew I wasn’t getting the meaning correctly!  The bad news is, it took me years to figure it out.

               The Temptations recorded a song in 1972 called “Papa was a Rolling Stone.”  The chorus of that song is “Papa was a rolling stone, wherever he laid his hat was his home, and when he died, all he us left was alone.”

               I spent decades crooning this song, believing that they were singing “all he left us was a loan.” Either way, I guess, Papa died leaving them alone or in debt.  Either or both are unhappy things, but I really think the writers missed the boat.  If he was at home wherever he “laid his hat,” it implies he wasn’t around much.  So leaving them alone didn’t make sense to me. 

               Oh, well, at least I didn’t give anyone a huge laugh at my expense.  Just myself!
              

I love Christmas music.  I am totally fine with starting to hear it on the radio in November.  My biggest complaint is that the radio stations stop playing it on midnight Christmas Day.  Because as we all know, the Christmas season is two weeks long and many parties and gatherings are occurring during the week after Christmas.  But, I’ll take what I can get.

               That said, I have spent forty years waiting for someone to notice that a song played about every hour during “the season” is (1) NOT a Christmas song and (b) totally annoying.  It was released in 1984 and has been annoying me every November and December since. 

               The name of this – according to Wikipedia – “classic Christmas song” is “Last Christmas.”  It was recorded by Wham! and gosh, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go people should know better!

               I have researched and I understand that George Michael, the member of the band who wrote the song, did, in fact, have a girlfriend break up with him on December 26^th.  However, the fact that something happened on the day after Christmas does not, in my opinion, make this a “classic Christmas song.” 

               It’s neither secular nor religious in content. Read these lyrics:  

“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,

But the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears
I’ll give it to someone special.”

               This is a break up song.  It’s about heartache and relationships.  There’s nothing in the song about a baby in a manger, wise men traveling afar, stars guiding the way (or any other stars), shepherds, sheep, full inns, or God saving the world.  So this “Christmas classic” isn’t religious in any way.

               There is also an absence of references to snow, bells, sleigh rides, snowmen, or trees being bedecked with ornaments.  There are no remarks about hot chocolate, the weather, having snowball fights, sledding, or dreaming of fireplaces and presents.  There is certainly no mention of anything to do with winter, the holiday itself, or holiday activities.  So this song is not a Christmas classic in any way.

               In fact, while again, I understand that this man’s heart was broken the day after Christmas, substitute any two-syllable word in there and you still get the total point. It could have happened last New Year’s, last Easter, last summer, last August, or even last weekend.  (Go ahead, sing it with any of those – you still get the point!).  You can’t do that with a real Christmas song.  Try it – substitute any two-syllable word for “manger” in “Away in a Manger” and see if it doesn’t change the meaning entirely.  “Away in a hotel the poor baby wakes…”  nope, changes the whole idea. 

               So while I get that it actually happened to this poor schmuck at Christmas-time, what I do NOT get is why people think this is a Christmas song – let alone a Christmas classic.  I also do not appreciate hearing this melancholy stuff every hour from November 1 through December 25^th.

               But all that venting aside, it has been 41 years.  I think I’m losing the battle of convincing anyone with any clout that it’s not a Christmas tune.  So, I’m revamping my brain, instead.

               Each of us has had some heartbreak in our lives.  At least, I have.  So I’m going to assume that the guy is talking about giving his heart to someone special – someone who won’t break his heart, who won’t ever leave him, and who will always be faithful.

               Gosh.  Sounds a lot like Jesus, huh?
               Merry Christmas, everybody!

               For years I have read about the “dumbing down of America.”  While somewhat concerned, I gamely remained convinced that we really are developing as a society.  I mean, we continue to develop and invent new and creative things.  The “rating” system for our public schools is so artificial and so politically based that it doesn’t truly measure the great education we are providing our children.  That’s why I continued to cling to the idea that our society is not getting “dumber.”

               Until recently.

               It all started with a number of advertisements for various prescription medications.  Let me digress to say that I find these annoying in the extreme.  Usually the side effects listed for these meds are scarier than the itchy skin, allergies, or breathing problems you might actually have.  Plus, why do we have to advertise for these?  Don’t we think our highly trained doctors will recommend what we need?  (Oh wait, powerful leaders of insurance companies and pharmacies – few of whom went to med school – will dictate those things).  So maybe we do need to advertise.

               But they are ridiculous.  They suggest – or try to suggest – that if we ask our doctor and actually take these meds we will suddenly have a wonderful life.  We will play volleyball on beaches.  We will dance at parties.  We will sit in bathtubs in fields. 

               None of that – excruciatingly irritating though they may be – are what made me think we are getting dumber.  It’s the end of each and every one of those commercials that say “don’t take this if you’re allergic to it.”

               Apparently we’ve become so stupid we don’t know not to take something we’re allergic to.  It also begs the question of how are we supposed to know we’re allergic to it….unless we try it?

               Then I started hearing contestants on Jeopardy (arguably the most intelligent of the game shows around) speak.  Of course, they have to speak.  But it’s HOW they are speaking.  They passed the audition and have enough smarts to make it on this quite challenging show.  But many of them somehow missed basic grammar lessons in school.

               At first, I was just saddened that so many people pronounce the word “hundred” as “hunnerd.”  It’s unnerving, and automatically reduces my perception of their IQ by ten or twenty points.

               An alarming number of contestants begin every response to a question in their interview segment with “Yeah, so.”  Ken Jennings will ask, “did you travel to some foreign country?”  and the answer is “yeah, so, I went to India.”

               It gets worse.  Often, the response is “Yeah, so, me and my wife…” or “yeah, so, me and my friends….”  We learned this grammar lesson in third grade!  It’s “my wife and I” and “my friends and I.”  These are supposedly smart, well educated people. “Supposedly” being the operant word.

               The final blow to my inflated sense of society’s sophistication and brainpower came at a local high school football game. Two teams were playing for the league championship and everyone in attendance knew that one team was far better than the other.  But the less-skilled team  – all high school boys aged 14 – 17 – were giving it their all.  They didn’t do well.  The quarterback got sacked a lot and they were shut out.

               The “fans” of the losing team were the ones booing them the loudest.  They called out nasty remarks and names.  To their own team.  In front of those kids’ parents.

               I guess we really are dumber than I thought. Yeah, so me and my husband will have to think about that.  Maybe a hunnerd times.