Living in the Midwest, we become accustomed to power outages of all kinds, for varying lengths of time, and in any season.  This fact of life is compounded for us because we live in the country.  For some reason, this adds a layer of challenge to keeping things running.

               I mean, we’re used to strong winds knocking down power lines in any season.  Lightning can strike in spring, summer and fall, taking out power transformers and power poles.  Icy, frigid weather can cause power to be taken out any time. The dry hurricane we had one late summer left us without electricity for four days and that was still better than many who suffered after a number of tornadoes over the years.

               In our case, living in the country, living in a very old house, or perhaps just serendipity means that we can lose power at odd times.  When it rains – even a drizzle – our hot tub stops heating.  For years a hard rain would render our cable TV useless.  (We finally had that fixed, but it took some convincing of the cable company that water was, in fact, causing us to lose cable signal).

               During the recent Christmas weekend which brought with it sub-zero temperatures, we were not surprised to lose cable, internet and phone line. In fact, we were grateful to maintain electricity in the house throughout the weekend. But the cable/internet was a story.

               On Saturday night of the weekend, my husband was watching a football game and I decided to go to bed and read for a while.  When I entered the bedroom, it was a little chilly (considering the wind chill that night was -27, I wasn’t alarmed).  I moved the cabinet holding the TV, plugged in a space heater, and read for a while.  Then I went to sleep.

               Meanwhile, my husband woke up from his football-induced nap and realized the game was no longer playing.  In fact, nothing was playing.  So he came to bed.

               The next morning, he informed me that we had no cable, no internet, and no landline.  Fortunately, it was Christmas, and we had other things to do!  So he called the cable company, heard the recorded message that they were aware of outages in our area, and we promptly forgot about it.

               As an aside, our son came over for Christmas dinner (he lives next door) and mentioned that his house had internet.  We thought that curious, but again… Christmas.  Food. Presents.  More important things to worry about.

               The next day, temperatures were warmer and my husband called again.  He got the same message, only this time it said the company would not send workers out in dangerous weather and would repair outages when they could.  That seemed fair.

               Tuesday came, and with it normal weather.  I left for work and hubby called a third time.  This time he stayed on the phone until he reached a real person, who informed him there were no outages in our area.  She dispatched a service person that was to arrive later that day.

               Upon my arrival home from work, the service person was actually wrapping up. He had told my husband that the amplifier in the bedroom (which we didn’t know we had) had come unplugged.  They both informed me that they guessed the cat had done it, and the man had fixed it so it wouldn’t happen again.

               Before I could think better of it, I said, “Oh, my.  I did that!  I must have loosened it when I plugged in the space heater!”

Lessons learned: be careful when you plug things in; when the cable goes out, check the amplifier; and the cat doesn’t mind taking responsibility for my errors.

               Just over 7 years ago, I went on a girl-trip to a bridal shower in South Carolina.  During this trip, I was inspired to develop a coffee table book that I planned to entitle “Bathrooms of the South.” Starting with our first break, somewhere in Kentucky, we stumbled upon perhaps the worst bathroom ever (and I’ve seen some really terrible ones!).

To get to this bathroom, we had to walk into the convenience store (part of a gas station chain that seemed reliable), exit a side door to a walkway that curved around to the back of the building, and finally enter another hallway to the women’s room.  It had a private sink, tucked in a private corner.  The stall, however, had a door with an eight-inch gap that gave a perfect view of the hallway (since the main door to this area did not close).  So we took turns using the facility with one of us holding up a large sweater in front of the gap.

               In North Carolina, on that same trip, we used a bathroom that had the toilet paper plopped onto the door knob of the bathroom.  There was no “holder” other than that doorknob and it was within reach.  It was difficult to wash up afterward, however, as where the sink should have been was merely a large hole in the wall.

               Naturally, I took pictures of all of these rooms and planned my coffee table book, but I didn’t think five pictures were enough. 

               So I kept looking for good bathroom shots to include.  Returning to South Carolina later that year, I found one more.  It was actually in our hotel – a brand new hotel with sparkling clean rooms and wonderful amenities. 

               As I was drying my hair the next morning, I thought my husband had gotten into the shower.  I turned around to look, but the shower was empty.   There was a waterfall, however.  It was coming from the ceiling and pouring into our tub – from the room above! 

               Over the years, I’ve continued to collect photos to memorialize interesting, dysfunctional, and funny bathrooms all over the Southeast (and some in the Midwest, as well).

               My latest bathroom adventure took place just before Christmas, again in South Carolina.  We were visiting friends and went to a wonderful restaurant for delicious homemade soups and sandwiches.  The bathroom was tucked at the back of the dining room, sort of adjacent to the back of the kitchen.

               After eating, I stood up to use the restroom.  My girlfriend said, “Read all the signs,” as I walked by.  Entering the bathroom, I turned and locked the door and saw no sign on the door.  I turned and looked at the sink and commode, and saw a cute sign that said something about washing hands.  I sat down to do my business and that’s when I noticed a small (very small) typed sign on a second door in the bathroom.  It was about six feet away and said “be sure to lock and unlock the door to the kitchen.”

               It was a little late, and of course, someone started to open that door.  I screeched out “Ack, I’m in here!” and the door to the kitchen closed quickly.

               I also finished quickly, washed up, and left the bathroom in a rush.  Okay, totally my fault, but it did seem to me that that information should have been posted in LARGE PRINT and perhaps in more than one place. 

               It occurred to me later that my friend’s advice could have been more helpful.  How about “lock both doors”??!!

               A dear friend of mine recently had surgery and I found myself wondering if she had said anything as she was being put under anesthesia.  Then she told me she had the kind of meds in which you stay awake for the procedure (in some ways, that’s so amazing, and in others….well, yikes!).  So she didn’t say anything that would get her in trouble or embarrass herself.

               Because I was thinking about this, I did another stroll on the internet and found a great blog site in which doctors and nurses report funny things that patients actually do say while going under.  Apparently, most of us talk for a while, though we don’t remember it.  So, what do we say?

               Well, one patient stroked a nurse’s arm while the nurse was trying to keep him from pulling at his IV – the one with the powerful sleepy drugs in it.  The patient muttered “You’d make such a great carpet!”

               Another one was just going to sleep when the music on the overhead started the song “Billie Jean.”  He said, “Glad Michael Jackson could join us” before falling deeply asleep.  The music affects many folks, apparently.  One patient heard a James Taylor song and said, “I hope this isn’t the last thing I hear!”

               An anesthesiologist asked one patient who was drifting off what he wanted to eat after the surgery.  The patient replied, “A steak…with peanut butter.”

               Being transported from the hospital (in your head) appears to be a frequent occurrence.  There was the lady who mumbled into the mask, “Wow, I’ve never been inside a saxophone before!”  Then there was a man who asked, ‘How did you get on my rocket ship?”

               Politeness doesn’t always rule, but often does.  A gentleman was getting his IV meds and being strapped down on the gurney.  They told him it was so he didn’t fall off the table and his last words were, “It’s ok, 5-second rule.”  Another patient having ear surgery asked, just as he drifted off, “Does anyone need anything while I’m out?”

               One young man was going out and called for his mother and father.  When they didn’t immediately arrive, he called out for Captain Kirk.

               There are just fearful comments and reactions, too.  One anesthesiologist was treating a woman and said to her, “I’m putting you to sleep now.” She had the most horrified look on her face and said, “Like a dog?!”

               Of course, there are bizarre and unrelated reactions, as well.  When one guy was being put under for toe surgery, he said, “Grape soda doesn’t taste like grapes, but it sure tastes purple.”

               I’m thinking about all these now and wondering what I say.  No one’s ever reported any actual quotes of mine, but there’s this one incident that concerns me.  Years ago, I had two wisdom teeth pulled. My husband took me to the appointment and was told the procedure should take no more than 45 minutes.  After about an hour and a half, he began to get worried.

               At the two-hour mark, he was just about to go inquire about my overall well-being when a nurse came into the waiting room, shaking her head and smiling.

               “I’m sorry for the delay, sir,” she said, “we’re having trouble getting your wife to stop talking.”

               He thought this was hilarious, but years later, I have to wonder.  Just what in the world was I talking about?

As we were driving to Thanksgiving dinner last week, we pulled up to a red light next to a sedan with a lone female driver.  Looking over, we noticed the woman was belting out what was clearly a familiar song.  We couldn’t hear her, but it was evident she was enjoying her alone time on this family-oriented holiday.  Or perhaps she just likes to sing!              

               Truth is, I’ve also been known to croon along with some of my favorite tunes while driving.  This happens when any favorite tune comes on (“Happy” by Pharell Williams will always get me going) and pretty much any Christmas carol.  (Let me digress to say, except for “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.”  It’s really just bad.)

               At any rate, it got me thinking about just how  commonplace the habit of singing in the car is. I was googling around and found it buried in a list of “50 Hilarious Things Everyone is Secretly Guilty of Doing.”  The list is in an article from 2019 by Bob Larkin in an online magazine “Best Life.”  Singing in the car and then discovering you’re being watched is number 38!

The article was interesting and while I actually don’t do every one of the 50 hilarious things, it turns out I do a pretty high number of them – or at least a facsimile of them.

               Number 2 on the list is “carefully examining an item at the grocery store because someone is standing in front of the thing you want.”  True, this happens a lot.  I used to turn and pick up another brand, pretending to read it, until the person moved on.  But now, I take the minute to stop, have a sip of coffee, close my eyes, and breathe.  It’s a mini-relaxing break in the middle of the grocery store!  And infinitely more fun than reading the back of a yogurt box.

               Item 7 on the list is “hitting the elevator floor button multiple times.”  Apparently, many of us think that the harder and faster we hit the button, the more likely the elevator will know we’re in a hurry.  At least, I guess that’s why I do it.  I’m sure it doesn’t make the machine work one bit faster, but I find myself pushing that button frequently.  And of course, if it takes more than three pushes, I’m taking the stairs.

               The 12^th behavior on the list is “eating a family sized bag of chips by yourself.”  Well, duh.  I haven’t done this much lately, but in my younger days, “family sized” was a suggestion.  Plus, in my family, we’d need a few of those bags for any real event.  Have you seen the single-sized, “snack” bags of chips?  They’re barely enough to keep a worm alive!

               The next-to-last one on the list is “checking your symptoms on the internet and convincing yourself you are at death’s door.”  Boy, that is a bad one and I do it all the time!  I don’t recommend it – always use a real doctor, not some website (even if they’re really good websites).  Reading one article will not replace the nine years your doc went to school to figure out if you have a head cold or pleurisy.

               A couple of the behaviors Mr. Larkin said “everybody” does actually don’t apply to me. The very first one said people check the refrigerator multiple times to see if different food “magically appeared.”  I’ve never done that, but I will confess to opening the door several times because either (a) I can’t find a leftover I know is in there or (b) I can’t remember what I saw five minutes ago.

               The comforting thing in all of this is that all people do hilarious things and it’s totally normal. So when I’m looking for the phone or glasses that I’m holding in my hand, I’m not going crazy – I’m normal!

Or so I keep telling myself.