Purist Thoughts

In many ways in life, I am a purist at heart.  I can wax poetic – and not in a good way – at a restaurant should my Caesar salad arrive with something in it that simply isn’t right.  Caesar salads do not include tomatoes, onions, olives, cheddar cheese, or (shudder) any green vegetable other than lettuce.  I realize that some chefs think they are creating some masterpiece, but perfection need not be “improved” upon. 

               I feel pretty much the same about pizza.  I realize that some folks out there enjoy pineapple and ham on a pizza, but that’s not pizza. That’s just Hawaiian salad on dough.  Seriously, who thinks white chicken and BBQ sauce belong on pizza?  They don’t.  Just eat a sandwich for heaven’s sake. 

               My regard for purity includes sporting events.  I was not happy when entire bowl games became sponsored and the sponsor’s name had to be included in the name of the bowl.  Hence, we were encumbered with the “All State Sugar Bowl,” the “AT&T Cotton Bowl,” the “Discover Orange Bowl,” and the “Prudential Rose Bowl.”  As bowl games continued to grow in number, so did the wacky names.  We now have the “Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl” and the “Chick-filet Peach Bowl.”

               These just don’t make sense.  If we absolutely have to have sponsored bowl game names, then at least get Tropicana to sponsor the Orange Bowl and Domino to support the Sugar Bowl.  It would take some creative thinkers to get all the bowls sponsored so it made sense, but at least it would…make sense.  Here are a few suggestions:  a Tidy Bowl, a Campbell’s Soup Bowl, and a Purina Dog Chow Bowl. 

               Those pesky sponsors weren’t happy with just being named for bowl games. In recent years, we’ve been saddled with sponsors for everything from half-time reports to plays of the game.  These stay true to the pattern of not contributing to the flow.  In this year alone, I’ve been forced to watch the Xfinity 10G network Halftime Report for starters.  I don’t even know what Xfinity 10G Network is (and I don’t care).  Is it something to do with halftimes?  If not, then why aren’t we getting some Half & Half maker to sponsor this feature, like the American Dairy Association?

               But no, they provided the “Keys to the Game.”  Seriously, they should have done the half time report and let some locksmith support the Keys.  Not to be outdone, Jersey Mikes had the “above and beyond” report.  Now, Jersey Mikes has good subs, but shouldn’t they have been sponsoring a substituted player who did well?  I mean subs are not really “above and beyond” food, in my opinion.

               Last week, in a different game we had Jersey Mikes play of the game and the Allstate halftime report.  The only one that might have made sense was the Frito Lay crunch time play of the game – except it wasn’t a crunch time play they featured, it was just a good play. 

               Ah well, if I’m stuck watching various insurance companies sponsor features of a game that aren’t insured at all, then so be it.  I’ll just continue eating my Caesar salad with anchovies and renaming these ludicrous sports supporters.  Right now, I’m dreaming up sponsorships for “bad coaching moves” for TTUN.  How about “U.S. Steel Coaching Moves?”