My phone and I are engaged in a war, one that has been raging for several years now. While this is (at this point), a non-violent conflict, I consistently lose every battle.
First there’s the health app. This came with my phone and keeps track of my daily activity. It will record my steps, the number of flights of stairs I climb, and tell me if my gait is fast, symmetrical, and evenly paced. All this information is available to me completely free! All I have to do is carry the phone with me, on my person, to get an accurate reading.
It can’t be in my purse or in the cart at the grocery store. It has to be either in my hand or in a pocket on my clothing. Since I need my hands for a variety of other tasks, I usually slip the phone into a back pocket.
Not a great idea. Either my phone hates me (and this is the choice that I really believe), or my body is designed so that my derrière is able to open the phone, make calls, and send text messages. Hence, when I’m walking up the stairs, I’m often calling people or texting them strange symbols.
This is embarrassing enough when it’s my husband or son, but when it’s people I know only through work or church, it’s downright humiliating. Then I have to text or call them back to explain that, well, I’m an idiot. Because I am sure they will not believe the truth – my phone hates me.
The other day (and this has happened numerous times), my hubby and I were driving home from dinner and I kept saying “What’s that noise?” We thought it was the car behind us, or that there was something malfunctioning in his radio. Then he suggested I check my phone – the phone I had carefully placed into my purse without touching any part of the little switches.
Naturally, the phone had turned on the Instagram app, and was playing something called “reels.” While I have noticed “reels” as an option, I’ve never deliberately selected any to watch.
So, without me poking any icons or buttons, the phone just opened up Instragram and selected reels. Last night, the reel it selected had strange music and showed scary, dangerous roads and people speeding around them. So I’m trying to figure out what the sounds are in the truck – and it’s me! (well, my phone).
Speaking of going to dinner, we went to a place we often frequent. We go there so often that I scanned their bar code a few months back to earn points toward free food. It seemed relatively simple, but of course, since I added that app, we’ve gone there three times and I’ve forgotten to scan the bar code on the receipt.
So the last time we went, I was intent on getting our points onto the app. When we got our check, I whipped out my phone and took a picture of the barcode. Nothing.
So, I read the little paragraph on the receipt. Ah! You have to open the app and scan the bar code. I opened the app and saw that it gave me several options. Locations, menu, rewards, redeem, and info were those options. Nowhere did it give me the option to “scan.”
I took another picture, but that didn’t do anything.
I took a video of the bar code. Nothing.
Finally, I took my receipt up to the desk and paid, asking the lady to show me how to scan the bar code. She said, “Oh, just give me your phone number,” which I did. She entered it and the points popped up on my app. But that didn’t exactly help me understand how to scan myself.
It wasn’t until I was in the car when I realized that if I had swiped up, I would have seen a little icon that said “scan.” Geez. Funny, phone, you got me. Swipe up, eh? I’ll swipe you, allright! I’ll take you out and….
Sorry. I’m just not a good loser. But I live in hope that one day I will outsmart my phone. Or at least know how to use it correctly.
hate the new phone- wish we could go back to simple times of old when face to face was the only way to communicate well