Most technology is growing at a rate that is simply beyond my capabilities. It took me months, for example, to learn how to “hang up” the phone once the technology firms decided that to end a call you just need to press a little red button.
Nowadays, to get some phones to activate, all you have to do is say “Okay, Google.” Supposedly. I’ve spent hours of my life saying this phrase over and over, louder and louder, while moving closer and closer to the phone.
Usually I do these antics when I’m wrist deep in meatball mix or cookie dough and need to call someone or check a recipe. So yelling “Okay Google” for 10 minutes isn’t really saving me time. I might as well just wash my hands and check it manually.
But the voice activation isn’t my only problem. There’s that dratted auto-correct. Part of the auto-correct issue, for me, is that it changes words that I don’t want changed. So then I have to correct the correction, which is a big time-waster. The other problem (and I confess, this is bigger) is that I have a tendency to press “send” before proofreading. So, there’s that.
For some reason, if I try to type “Kent” (our son’s name) and I accidentally hit the “L” instead of the “K” first, the phone always types “Levy” right away. Levy is not a name or a word that I have ever knowingly used, so I have no idea why the phone wizard thinks I want to type it all the time. And even if I get “KEN” put in, the phone will helpfully insert “keep” instead. Wouldn’t you think a smart phone would pick up on words you type many times a day?
It also creates havoc. The other day, our son asked me to keep him posted on a friend of ours, David, who had been tested for covid. I typed “D’s test was negative! Yea!” and pressed send. I didn’t realize that the microchip computer in my phone had helpfully altered it to read “Dad’s test was negative! Yea!” So naturally, our son was a little concerned and typed back, “Dad was tested? Why??”
No, Dad is fine, is covid-free and did not get tested. Why is my phone trying to help me?? I don’t need this stress!
Once, early on in my war with autocorrect, I thought I would try the voice-to-text feature. I figured this would really be the way to go. So I said to the phone, “text Laura” to tell her “safe travels.” She was going away for a weekend. The phone said, “here’s your message, ready to send?” and I said yes without reading it, because how could it mess this up??!! What I didn’t know is that it could mess it up quite nicely and, in addition, it would add my aside comment to my husband after I thought it was sent. So what Laura received on her end was, “mobile smiles jammers why are they going there anyway it’s silly.”
Yeah, that was fun to explain.
I’m not only losing battles, I might be losing this war.