Having lived a significant number of decades, I find myself pretty well satisfied with my life skills. I’ve also noticed that, regardless of classes, studying, reading, practicing, or sheer will, there are a few things that I simply cannot master. I can’t do them. I spent too much time wondering why on a couple of them, but the sad fact is, I can’t, and likely never will, do these things.
The first is to give and/or receive directional instructions. If you tell me to “go north,” I have a 1 in 4 shot of going the right way. If someone says, “Please get the chair in the southwest corner,” I will return with a chair. Again, I have a 1 in 4 chance of it being the right chair.
For several years, my husband would ask me to mow the north yard. I dutifully did so, and he always thanked me. It wasn’t until I came in one day, complaining that he had already done this task when he kindly pointed out that I’d been mowing the east yard. He shrugged and said, “Well, all sides got done, so I wasn’t concerned.” But seriously, couldn’t he have just said “Mow the yard with the mailbox”? That would have been helpful!
The second thing I can’t do is be close to (let alone touch!) any snake. It’s easy enough to avoid this at a zoo, but we live in the country. Snakes do appear from time to time. Though no athlete, I once did a three-foot vertical jump to a patio table when I saw a snake in the pool. Fortunately, I don’t run into them very often.
I find it difficult to keep plants alive. It doesn’t matter if they are indoor plants or in gardens. I can plant, weed, mulch, and water – and I do all those things. But plants that stay under my care typically wither and die. Thankfully, my husband has a green thumb so our gardens are usually plentiful. That’s all to his credit, though, and despite my presence.
The only exception to this is succulents. I have managed to keep a few of those going for years. Go figure – they survive desert conditions, so they can tolerate me!
For the past ten years, I have volunteered at a gift shop that supports Ohio’s Hospice. I enjoy the work of retail more than I ever imagined, partly because the mission of the shop is such a great one. I can do almost any job related to this work, except fill the price gun with new tape. I’ve mastered digital sales, display tricks and price-checking. When that price gun runs out, though, I’m a mess. The instructions are very skimpy with even worse drawings. If I get the tape in the gun at all, it’s usually backward or will not advance when I pull the trigger. So that particular task falls to one of the other volunteers.
All-in-all, it’s not a bad list, really. I think my life will continue to be pretty stable even without these life skills. I’ll be fine – as long as I’m never confronted with a snake and the only weapon at hand is an unfilled price gun, and someone tells me it’s in the northwest corner of the shop. Then again, the price gun only “shoots” a tiny piece of sticky paper, which is unlikely to stun, let alone kill, a snake. By the time I find the correct corner, the snake will have disappeared anyway.
And where? Where? Hopefully near a plant – because I have no problem ignoring them!
as always – quote the fun reading this – as I sit here trying to think of things that baffle me to get done – there is always at least one thing on todays to do list that I have not gotten finished or even started – so I put it at the top of tomorrows to do list – and often, for some unknown reason, it seems to NOT be the most important thing on that list to do and, for sure, ends up NOT done again! Frustrating not only to me, but to those who have asked for me to do that job!!