Football Confusion

My husband and I are big Ohio State football fans.  Typically, we watch the games on Saturday together in our family room.  Occasionally we are actually at a stadium either here or away.  It’s always a great day, although better when we win, of course.  For forty years now, I’ve not had too much of a problem keeping the games straight.

               Let me pat myself on the back for a second to mention that this – keeping the games straight – is no easy feat.  Because while I only care about and watch the Ohio State game, my husband watches every Big Ten game that is on television and at least one or two others.  Because, as he can explain much better than I, these games have some impact on Ohio State’s ratings and future game outcomes.  Or something like that.

               This means that during timeouts, commercials, and before or after games, the remote is hotly used to switch to a variety of other games to “check out the scores.” And, as I say, for forty years, I’ve kept up admirably.

               That came to a screeching halt a couple of Saturdays ago.  It was Ohio State’s homecoming game and they were playing the Maryland Terrapins.  Our colors are scarlet and gray.  Maryland’s colors are red and something else.  We were wearing red and they were wearing white.

               Meanwhile, Nebraska, wearing white was playing at Minnesota, whose team was decked out in a brownish color.  But the Nebraska fans were largely wearing red, since that’s their other color.

               So before our game started, my husband was switching back and forth to the Nebraska game.  Red and white.  Both games.  All over the field and in the stands. Meanwhile, I was texting on my phone.

               I looked up at the television screen and remarked, “Gosh, there’s a lot of red in the stands.”  My husband smiled and said, “Of course, it’s our homecoming.”  To which I replied, “But isn’t that Nebraska?”

               He looked at me oddly for a second and said, “Well yes, but their colors are red and white.”

               After watching a few more seconds, I said, “Wow, isn’t that great?  We brought the band to the game!”

               That really did get me a strange look.  “Of course the band is there,” he replied.  “It’s our stadium.  We’re at home.”

               Naturally, this would have been more easily deciphered if I hadn’t been texting and looking at my phone periodically.  Because of this, I wasn’t noticing when he changed channels – which apparently he was doing every four or five seconds. 

               That’s when the short-term recall and the general blonde ditziness really came to a peak.

               “I’m puzzled,” I said, staring stupidly at the television.  “Usually it says ‘Ohio State’ in the end zone.  Why did they put ‘Minnesota’ on there this week?”

               That really did get me a totally bizarre look.  Plus hand gestures indicating I had delved deeply into the dumb zone.  “This is Nebraska- Minnesota,” he said with a slightly exasperated tone. “What aren’t you getting?  This is our homecoming.  We’re at home.  Playing Maryland.”

               With that, he changed the channel to the important game.  I was no longer confused.  And if I was – well, I certainly wasn’t going to ask a question or make a comment.  I just watched us win. And I believe I may have seen Minnesota win, as well.  But not going to ask that, either.