Category: Uncategorized (Page 22 of 48)

               A dear friend of mine recently had surgery and I found myself wondering if she had said anything as she was being put under anesthesia.  Then she told me she had the kind of meds in which you stay awake for the procedure (in some ways, that’s so amazing, and in others….well, yikes!).  So she didn’t say anything that would get her in trouble or embarrass herself.

               Because I was thinking about this, I did another stroll on the internet and found a great blog site in which doctors and nurses report funny things that patients actually do say while going under.  Apparently, most of us talk for a while, though we don’t remember it.  So, what do we say?

               Well, one patient stroked a nurse’s arm while the nurse was trying to keep him from pulling at his IV – the one with the powerful sleepy drugs in it.  The patient muttered “You’d make such a great carpet!”

               Another one was just going to sleep when the music on the overhead started the song “Billie Jean.”  He said, “Glad Michael Jackson could join us” before falling deeply asleep.  The music affects many folks, apparently.  One patient heard a James Taylor song and said, “I hope this isn’t the last thing I hear!”

               An anesthesiologist asked one patient who was drifting off what he wanted to eat after the surgery.  The patient replied, “A steak…with peanut butter.”

               Being transported from the hospital (in your head) appears to be a frequent occurrence.  There was the lady who mumbled into the mask, “Wow, I’ve never been inside a saxophone before!”  Then there was a man who asked, ‘How did you get on my rocket ship?”

               Politeness doesn’t always rule, but often does.  A gentleman was getting his IV meds and being strapped down on the gurney.  They told him it was so he didn’t fall off the table and his last words were, “It’s ok, 5-second rule.”  Another patient having ear surgery asked, just as he drifted off, “Does anyone need anything while I’m out?”

               One young man was going out and called for his mother and father.  When they didn’t immediately arrive, he called out for Captain Kirk.

               There are just fearful comments and reactions, too.  One anesthesiologist was treating a woman and said to her, “I’m putting you to sleep now.” She had the most horrified look on her face and said, “Like a dog?!”

               Of course, there are bizarre and unrelated reactions, as well.  When one guy was being put under for toe surgery, he said, “Grape soda doesn’t taste like grapes, but it sure tastes purple.”

               I’m thinking about all these now and wondering what I say.  No one’s ever reported any actual quotes of mine, but there’s this one incident that concerns me.  Years ago, I had two wisdom teeth pulled. My husband took me to the appointment and was told the procedure should take no more than 45 minutes.  After about an hour and a half, he began to get worried.

               At the two-hour mark, he was just about to go inquire about my overall well-being when a nurse came into the waiting room, shaking her head and smiling.

               “I’m sorry for the delay, sir,” she said, “we’re having trouble getting your wife to stop talking.”

               He thought this was hilarious, but years later, I have to wonder.  Just what in the world was I talking about?

As we were driving to Thanksgiving dinner last week, we pulled up to a red light next to a sedan with a lone female driver.  Looking over, we noticed the woman was belting out what was clearly a familiar song.  We couldn’t hear her, but it was evident she was enjoying her alone time on this family-oriented holiday.  Or perhaps she just likes to sing!              

               Truth is, I’ve also been known to croon along with some of my favorite tunes while driving.  This happens when any favorite tune comes on (“Happy” by Pharell Williams will always get me going) and pretty much any Christmas carol.  (Let me digress to say, except for “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.”  It’s really just bad.)

               At any rate, it got me thinking about just how  commonplace the habit of singing in the car is. I was googling around and found it buried in a list of “50 Hilarious Things Everyone is Secretly Guilty of Doing.”  The list is in an article from 2019 by Bob Larkin in an online magazine “Best Life.”  Singing in the car and then discovering you’re being watched is number 38!

The article was interesting and while I actually don’t do every one of the 50 hilarious things, it turns out I do a pretty high number of them – or at least a facsimile of them.

               Number 2 on the list is “carefully examining an item at the grocery store because someone is standing in front of the thing you want.”  True, this happens a lot.  I used to turn and pick up another brand, pretending to read it, until the person moved on.  But now, I take the minute to stop, have a sip of coffee, close my eyes, and breathe.  It’s a mini-relaxing break in the middle of the grocery store!  And infinitely more fun than reading the back of a yogurt box.

               Item 7 on the list is “hitting the elevator floor button multiple times.”  Apparently, many of us think that the harder and faster we hit the button, the more likely the elevator will know we’re in a hurry.  At least, I guess that’s why I do it.  I’m sure it doesn’t make the machine work one bit faster, but I find myself pushing that button frequently.  And of course, if it takes more than three pushes, I’m taking the stairs.

               The 12^th behavior on the list is “eating a family sized bag of chips by yourself.”  Well, duh.  I haven’t done this much lately, but in my younger days, “family sized” was a suggestion.  Plus, in my family, we’d need a few of those bags for any real event.  Have you seen the single-sized, “snack” bags of chips?  They’re barely enough to keep a worm alive!

               The next-to-last one on the list is “checking your symptoms on the internet and convincing yourself you are at death’s door.”  Boy, that is a bad one and I do it all the time!  I don’t recommend it – always use a real doctor, not some website (even if they’re really good websites).  Reading one article will not replace the nine years your doc went to school to figure out if you have a head cold or pleurisy.

               A couple of the behaviors Mr. Larkin said “everybody” does actually don’t apply to me. The very first one said people check the refrigerator multiple times to see if different food “magically appeared.”  I’ve never done that, but I will confess to opening the door several times because either (a) I can’t find a leftover I know is in there or (b) I can’t remember what I saw five minutes ago.

               The comforting thing in all of this is that all people do hilarious things and it’s totally normal. So when I’m looking for the phone or glasses that I’m holding in my hand, I’m not going crazy – I’m normal!

Or so I keep telling myself.

For the past 32 years, I’ve had the delightful experience of having two men in my life, both of whom I adore.  The first is my husband, of course, and the second is the son we had a few years into our marriage.

               When we were first married, I made the comment that I would “love to have three boys just like my husband.”  Then we got the one boy, who is eerily just like my husband, and I realized that one might just be enough.

               They agree on so many things and are alike in so many ways that often I am able to predict what one will think when the other one shares an opinion.  They both love animals and nature, and have excellent senses of humor. They both go (or went, in my husband’s case) to work faithfully, even when they’d rather stay home.  They both love sitting outside next to a grill or smoker, enjoying the moment. Significantly, they both love Ohio State football (and basketball, volleyball, checkers…you get the idea).

Both guys have pretty strong opinions about things, and both of them will say they don’t.  They believe they are the most agreeable people on the planet. In fact, for the most part, they are. The things they don’t like – littering, for example – are things about which they can be vocal and formidable.

               Interestingly, one of the things they disagreed about came to light before our son turned 4 years old.  When we were first married, my husband and I shared the one bathroom in our house.  That meant he pretty much used the variety of soaps and shampoos that I purchased.  Because I had read somewhere that you shouldn’t use the same shampoo every day, I always had a variety of bottles in the shower. 

               One day, my husband emerged from the bathroom with a frown, saying, “I hate all our shampoos.”  I was puzzled.  I pointed the first one (Prell) and looked inquiringly at him.  “I hate that one,” he said.

               Then he picked up the second bottle (Breck), and said, “I abhor this.” My eyebrows raised.  Without prompting, he pointed the third bottle (Vidal Sassoon) and continued, “I detest this one.”

Finally, he picked up the last bottle (Finesse) and ended, “and this one stinks.”

               I was stunned.  I happily allowed him to purchase the next shampoo and I never heard another complaint from him.  Meanwhile, I kept my assortment to use for myself.

               Fast forward several years to our son in the bathtub at age 3 or so.  As I was washing his hair (with Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo, of course), he pointed to my bottle of Pantene and announced, “Pantene Pro-V.  That’s the best kind.”

               Then, without pause, he looked at the other bottle in the shower area and said, “Oh, Vidal Sassoon.  That’s very good, also.”

               Too much TV, I thought!

               But I also realized that it was going to be fun watching these two disagree from time to time. I’m still waiting for that, by the way.

There’s a gentleman in the Guinness Book of World Records for memorizing 232 unrelated objects in 12 minutes.  He also holds the record for the number of objects in one minute – over 130! It’s pretty impressive to me, since I have trouble remembering the one thing I said I was out of when standing at the open refrigerator in the three seconds it takes me to cross the room and pick up the grocery list.

                A study completed in the late 2000’s found that the majority of American adults could list all 7 ingredients of a Big Mac (I think it has to do with that catchy song that came out in the 70’s – “two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, onions, pickles, on a sesame seed bun”).  The same study said that that same majority could list all 6 Brady Bunch childrens’ names – and these were not included in the theme song.  Sadly, that majority could only name about 4 of the 10 Commandments. 
               Possibly that’s because some of those in the study weren’t Christians.  It’s also very likely that more would remember the 10 commandments if there was a catchy tune about them. (Let me digress to say that I’m working on one right now, to the tune of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.”)

               Memory is a tricky thing, though.  I find I can remember every character from the original Andy Griffith Show, but can’t remember what I had for lunch yesterday.  I can recall advertising slogans from my childhood (“see the U-S-A in your Chevrolet”), but can’t come up with what I walked into the room to tell my husband.  And I can easily rattle off my childhood telephone number (which had letters in it, because I’m older than dirt), but don’t know how to delete a contact in my current phone – even though I’ve been shown this several times.

               Short term recall is more difficult than long-term for adults.  This is a fact, supported by research.  Another fact is that childhood memories start to fade while we’re in childhood.  That’s why  many of us don’t  remember the first day of school.  Things that we say out loud tend to stay with us, though, which may be why I can remember school lunches.  How many times must I have looked at the tray, sighed, and said, “Tator tots, again?”

               Most fascinating to me is the Mandela effect – it’s the whole concept of “false memories.”  These are things that we believe we remember, even though, in actual fact, they never happened.  It’s called the Mandela effect because of the high number of people who “remember” that Nelson Mandela died in prison in the 1980’s.  So many people recall this as a memory – and therefore a truth – that we named the concept after him.  In fact, Nelson Mandela died in 2013 – years after he had served as a President of South Africa!

               There are many common “memories” that are false.  Here’s a test for you:  What did the wicked stepmother say to the mirror in Snow White?  The majority of people will answer “mirror, mirror on the wall.”  We remember her saying that.  But she didn’t – she said “Magic mirror on the wall.”

               I have plenty of false memories.  Like, I clearly remember being skinny.  Of course, I was never skinny.  That’s a more comparative thing. 

               In any event, the latest research out of Britain says you’re more likely to remember things if you say them out loud.  That helps, I think, if you say “I’m locking the door” when you leave the house.  The same study says memory improves if you’re a bit chilly. 

So I’m headed outside this morning to say out loud, “What did I want to put on the grocery list?”

               I’ll let you know if it works.