Category: Uncategorized (Page 20 of 48)

               Lately, I’ve been noticing increased difficulty with the way products are packaged. For decades now, most of us have struggled with the dilemma of hot dogs and hot dog buns.  Unless you are preparing franks for forty friends, the manufacturers of these products have tormented us for years by packing ten dogs per container and eight buns.  So no matter what you do, someone’s either going to have a hot dog by itself, or on bread.  Honestly, you’d think they’d figure this out – it’s second-grade math!!

               But until recently that was my main gripe about packaging.  That, and of course, the childproof tops that are put on most medications.  Apparently, adults are simply too dumb to put medications up high or in a locked cabinet.  So they invented these lids that kids can’t get off.  As it turns out, neither can anyone with arthritic fingers, carpel tunnel, or a sprained wrist – all things that typically require the need for medication in these bottles.  I’ve taken to hammering them open and then putting the pills (the ones still intact) in another container. 

               Then I started noticing other packaging problems.  Maybe it’s because I’m older and need these products now or because I have more time to consider such weighty problems, but here’s an annoying fact.  A couple of cold medicine manufacturers have helpfully begun packing daytime and nighttime medications in one convenient package.  These medications are to be taken six times a day.  Again, a little second-grade math would make a reasonable person think, “Oh we should give them half as much nighttime, or 50% more daytime meds.” But no, they give us equal amounts.  I have at least five packages or bottles, all half full, of nighttime medication.  Let me get a head cold, and there won’t be a drop of daytime in the house. 

               I’ve also encountered a challenge in opening any toy that is for a toddler.  First, they put the toys in plastic (so you can see them) and mount them to a cardboard back or base.  To do this, they apparently use the glue that holds rocket ships together.  Just in case that’s not sufficient, they then zip-tie them to the cardboard – and so tightly that you can’t get scissors or a knife blade in between the tie and the board.  It’s always fun to surprise a toddler with such a gift – that age group being known for its’ patience and tolerance while waiting for anything, especially a toy they can see.

               Yesterday I went to the store to purchase some shampoo.  Unless you buy a trial/travel-sized bottle, you typically get some ginormous thing that holds about 45 ounces (or more)!  These are so big that no one with normally-sized hands can actually hold it in one hand and squeeze a little bit into the other hand, especially not in a shower during which you are typically wet.  I suppose if you’re in the tub, you can hold it between your knees, but it’s hardly convenient.

               The bottle actually slipped this morning and had I been standing just a half inch to the left, I’m sure it would have broken my toe.  So I’m reduced to squeezing some out into one of the travel-sized containers every week or so, just to be safe.

               And let me just end by saying the bacon people aren’t fooling anyone!  Prices of bacon have stayed strangely and relatively the same as years ago.  But the amount of bacon has NOT!  For the price I used to buy a pound of bacon, I can now get about six strips.  That’s almost a whole day’s worth!

               Argh.  I need to find out when and where these packaging gurus meet.  I’m sure they’d love to have me as a keynote speaker at their next conference!

The older I get, the more I know but the less I seem to understand.  I have countless examples of things that befuddle me, but I’ll start with the most frequent thing in my life.

               Weight.  I have grappled with my weight for the better part of thirty years now, trying all kinds of diets.  Not eating works…but that’s a difficult one to sustain, for obvious reasons.  I’ve had a great deal of success with a ketogenic diet – over the past three years, I’ve lost twenty pounds and they’ve stayed lost.

               But going the next ten pounds has been a conundrum.  I can eat nothing but salad and coffee for a day and the next day my scale tells me I’ve gained a pound.  So, in a fit of pique, I skulk off to do errands, buy a snack bag of potato chips, and sit in my car, eating furtively and somewhat defiantly, until every last crumb is gone.

               The next day, I step balefully onto the scale and voila!  I’m down a half pound.

               I’m sure there is a metaphysical explanation that would explain in metabolism, calorie burn, and chemical reactions, but…still.  I just don’t understand.

               Another thing that puzzles me is shopping cart behavior.  I assume the carts don’t typically roll themselves into strange places – unless it’s an incredibly windy day.  So it seems strange to me to see grocery carts in the middle of parking spaces, in the middle of aisles, or – my favorite – right next to the shopping cart corral.  Seriously?  We couldn’t take it six inches further?

               A couple of stores have helpfully placed large signs in front of the two rows of the cart corral – one for “small carts” and one for “large carts.”  These signs even have pictures, just in case you need them.  So I don’t understand when I see carts of both sizes in both rows. 

               I feel sorry for the employee who has to pull them out one at a time and put them in the correct order to get them back to the store so WE can use them.  Doesn’t matter if it’s snowing, sleeting, raining, or hotter than blazes, they have to correct our laziness.

               I don’t get it.

               Here’s another thing that I don’t understand – cats.  Our cat, in particular.  She’s a big girl; I bet she tops the scales at 12 or 13 pounds.  For all that, she can creep around the yard, catching mice, chipmunks, and even the occasional mole.  She is stealth, personified. 

               Anyway, she can be really quiet – sneaky, even.  So the other night, we were watching TV and we heard footsteps on our back porch.  Thump, thump, thump.  I said to my brave husband, “who’s out there?”

               He – always quick to defend our castle – called loudly from the comfort of his recliner, “Who’s there?  Hello?”

               There was no answer.  Then we heard the thumping again.  Hubby finally got up from his chair and opened the back door.  There the intruder was!  Our cat – jumping up and down from the railing to let us know it was time for her to come in.

               When we try to find her in the house to put her out, she lurks around, soundlessly, going up and down stairs and who knows where – if she doesn’t want to go out.  But let us go to bed and turn out the lights – there’s a herd of elephants coming up the stairs to our bedroom.  The squeaking and purring is amplified as she jumps onto the bed and prowls around, trying to find the best place to sleep.  Normally it’s at the foot of our bed, but that’s only after she’s tried both of our pillows and our legs.

               I’ll add it to the growing list of things I don’t understand.

               For most of my adult life, I’ve struggled with insomnia.  The good news is that it hasn’t appeared to affect my ability to live my life.  Some days I’m a bit tired, but generally, I function as well on three or four hours of sleep as I do eight.  Well, at least I think I do.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I actually slept for eight hours straight.

               The bad news is that I have a host of silly activities that I do to try to get myself sleepy.  I read.  I watch reruns of comedies on television.  I work jigsaw puzzles.  I put dishes away.  I play games on my phone.  Sometimes one of these will make me sleepy.

               But often, none of them do and so I engage in the silliest activity of all – I stew about things.  I worry and fret and generally drive myself a bit crazy.  This does not, I might add, assist me in getting sleepy.  It mostly serves to stir my mind even more.

               I try to think about things I don’t need to worry about and pleasant things.  Tonight, for example, I’m thinking about how funny it is when you go into a place and it’s not at all what you thought it was going to be.

               (Let me digress to say that I have no idea why I’m thinking about this.)

               For example, one time I was in a restaurant and I had to use the ladies’ room.  I went in, completed my business, and returned to our table, at which we were enjoying an evening with friends.  I announced quite sincerely that I had never noticed how odd the ladies’ room was in this particular restaurant and that I thought it very strange that they had two sinks, and one was very low on the floor.

               The rest of our group immediately realized that I had not been in the ladies’ room at all – but in the men’s room.  But I spent several minutes being confused (and no, I was not drinking!).

               Recently, my husband went out to lunch with a buddy. They had planned to go to a restaurant near a movie theater but when they arrived, it wasn’t open until 11:30.  Since the movie they were going to started at 12:30, they decided to go to a nearby eating emporium, one they had never been to before.

               They walked in and clearly this establishment was very similar to a well-known chain that boasted well-endowed women in skimpy uniforms.  Taken aback, but in a hurry, my husband and his friend ordered, ate, and then left for their movie.  It wasn’t at all what they expected, but my hubby’s only comment was, “I hope they had warm coats when they left.  It’s cold out there!”

               It made me think about the time I fell and hurt my knee.  We had previously planned a trip to Florida for the holidays, but I had to use a cane, walker, or wheelchair for several weeks.  I was completely bummed out, knowing that our vacation would be ruined by having to push me around in a wheelchair.

               As it turns out, going to Universal and Busch Gardens in a wheelchair isn’t so bad.  The terrain is pretty flat, but even more striking is that people in wheelchairs get whisked to the front of the line and sit in the front row for every show.  No waiting and superb seats!  Our vacation wasn’t what I planned or expected, but turned out very well (in some ways).

               Now I’m thinking I will try to go to bed and sleep and I’m sure that won’t turn out the way I expect (or hope).  But maybe I’ll be surprised.

               Those of you who are regular readers know that I have had my share of struggles with technology.  I find it challenging to remember which “input” on the remote will get me to Netflix or the DVD player, so it’s not a stretch to imagine that, at times, my phone will completely baffle me.

               One of the features of my phone is a phantom operator that will, completely unbeknownst to me, switch my phone to airplane mode.  This means that (1) I do not receive texts or calls and (b) my texts come back as “undeliverable” and my calls go straight to someone’s voicemail.  This has happened not once, but a number of times (so you’d think I’d figure it out quicker!).  First, however, I imagine that my son – or some other loved one – is in a ditch or a hospital.  That’s after, of course, I assume that same person hasn’t charged their phone or has it switched off (that’s happened before, so….).

               But then, after some angst, I remember to check settings and sure enough, my phone is in airplane mode.  Is it something I do unknowingly?  Is there a phantom in my phone?  Who knows? What I do know is that it’s aggravating.

               The second aggravating thing about my phone is not a phantom, but a new “trend” in communication that many people use.  It’s called “group text.”  This means you can send the same message to three, six, even fifty people.  It’s a great time saver.  I don’t mind getting the first group text.  Often it includes important information about something – a person, an event, a shared activity, etc.  What I do mind is that then you are on the receiving end of three, six, or even fifty responses; responses that are usually meaningless, like “great,” “ok,” “thanks,” and most annoyingly emojis of thumbs up or happy faces.  But wait! We’re not done, because then you also receive three, six, or fifty responses to the people responding with “cool,” emojis of their own, or [shudder] GIFs.

  Just to find out your cousin was released from the hospital after spraining her ankle, you get upwards of 100 text messages.    Heaven forbid you’re waiting for a text from someone else about an important thing because you can’t turn your phone off….

The final thing about my technology that annoys me is “reminders.”  Reminders from doctors, dentists, specialists, barbers, pedicurists, manicurists, massages, plumbers, electricians, auto maintenance shops, and all manner of other places where an appointment is made.  You get the first reminder on your phone – literally minutes after you have made the appointment.

Then you get an email reminder of this appointment about a week before the event.  Then (if you have one), you get a message on your landline answering machine. The day before the appointment, you get another text reminding you.

               Is there an epidemic of people not showing up for appointments? Does nobody keep a calendar anymore?

               I haven’t missed or forgotten any appointment I’ve made in over 50 years, and yet I get all these “reminders.” Most of them require me to answer (“click yes”) or even call to confirm.  For heaven’s sake, are we –as a society – really that stupid and/or inconsiderate?

               I had more to say, but I have to stop now and confirm my dental appointment on email.  And then on the text they just sent me. And then I need to take the survey on how my last dental appointment went….