My Friend Siri

I have lost track of the number of times my technology, and especially my phone, have outwitted me.  As I get older, it appears I am not, in fact, getting wiser, at least in this regard.  In fact, I’m absolutely sure I am losing ground in this war.

               Let’s not even discuss the appalling number of pocket dials, purse dials, and butt dials I seem to be able to make.  All I have to do is bump my purse, set the phone down too firmly on a counter, or, apparently, merely think about a pocket dial, and I’m calling someone.  (Usually, this is a friend and they are very forgiving.  Occasionally, it’s a business or acquaintance – chalk up more folks who think I’m ditzy.) 

               These happen with such regularity that I’m just assuming it’s my “new normal.” [What does that even mean, really?  If it’s “normal,” it’s not “new,” right?  And if it’s “new,” it means it’s not “normal.” So are we just making stuff up now? ]  But I digress.

               My phone has morphed into a new dimension of being outrageous.  Now it not only calls people randomly, it FACETIMES them.  So I hear a buzzing, pick up my phone from the counter, and there’s someone’s face staring at me, saying “Hello?” 

               WHA??????

               I didn’t touch the phone.  I certainly didn’t ask it to call or Facetime someone.  Speaking of which, I don’t “ask” my phone to do anything.  In order to access that feature, I have to hold down the “home button” until a little icon begins to swirl.  Then I can ask it to call or text someone and it will do it – about 75% of the time.  Other times, the little voice just ignores me.  Very frustrating.

               So it’s puzzling that out of the blue, my phone will Facetime my best friend, or – and this has happened – a random bank teller.  Explaining to the person who handles my money that I didn’t actually call them probably induces them to put some kind of red flag on my accounts.

               Once in a while, lately, my phone has begun to talk to me.  Again, I haven’t touched it or pressed the feature to open Siri.  I’ll be cooking or reading and suddenly my phone will say, “I’m sorry I can’t access that information.”  What information?  Who’s he talking to??

               It’s just a little bit spooky.            

               The worst thing happened last week and lasted several days.  I was able to receive phone calls just fine, but nothing else.  I would pick up my phone to look at it and it would show several text messages throughout the previous few hours that had not buzzed me.  I checked the volume and it was up.  I checked the “silence” mode and it was not on.

               Past experience led me to look at the “airplane” mode in settings. It was not on.  Finally, on the third day, my phone notified me that it was in “do not disturb” mode. 

               I don’t know why.  I didn’t put it in that mode.  I didn’t know even how to put it in that mode.  I went online to find out how to get it out of “do not disturb” and was told to “click the do-not-disturb” icon.  But there was no such icon on my phone.

               GRRRRR.

               I solved the problem. I asked Siri to take it out of the do-not-disturb mode, and he did.  I also asked him to quit talking to me first, but so far he’s not responded.  We’ll see.