My husband and I are a little bit of Anglophiles.  We love British films and television shows.  Some of our favorites are on PBS and we discover new ones every year. 

               The only glitch in this shared delight is that occasionally we find British actors difficult to understand.  Even with the volume cranked enough for the neighbors to hear, we find ourselves saying, “What did he say?” and backing up the tape to listen again. 

               I do take some responsibility for this.  My hearing is terrible and my husband’s is not exactly improving with age.  That said, British folk tend to speak softly (i.e. mumble) and quickly (so that whole sentences often sound like “fluff fluff fluff and stuff”).  [Try that out loud, fast, and quietly and you’ll feel like you’re speaking British English.]

               Of course, it doesn’t help that that is exactly what they are speaking – British English.  That language only faintly resembles American English, in that it is more precise, more grammatically correct, and uses quaint terms like “flats,” “biscuits,” and “lifts” when they mean “apartments,” “cookies,” and “elevators.”

               So one rainy evening when we could find nothing exciting to do, we popped in our copy of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel to watch.  Filled with wonderful British and Indian actors, we enjoyed the film at the theater but had not seen it in several years.

               Right away, we were having trouble understanding the spoken word.  My technological-savvy hubby immediately grabbed the remote (well “grabbed” is a stretch, since it rarely leaves his hand) and adjusted the film to allow for closed captioning.

               Marvelous!  We now could see the film, listen at an appropriate volume level, and also read along with the actors as they spoke. 

               Something odd began to happen.  Both of us sat up and began to scan between the captioning and the actors’ mouths.  Because the words they were saying were there, but additional information was being related audibly.

               There was a narrator, saying things like “woman rolls her eyes,” “man looks down at the floor,” and “another man enters the room.”

               We had closed captioning and narration.  This was distracting.  So my husband began scrolling through the options and clicked on the next item.  Relief!  The narration went away.  But so did the British accents and words.

               Now we had closed captioning in English, but the actors were speaking in Spanish!  This was disconcerting and pretty hilarious.

               The next click got rid of the Spanish-speaking Brits.  Instead, they were speaking in French, with English captions.  Narration came back on, also in English.

               We were rolling around in our chairs laughing.  Who, exactly, were these options designed to help?  People with vision problems and hearing problems who understand spoken French but read only English?  For people trying out for a Mensa club?


               Finally, he stopped the whole mess and started over.  We got our closed captioning in English and our actors speaking English and no narration.

               It turned an otherwise mundane evening into a great adventure, though!